Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Heart of a Mother

A number of years ago I awakened one night for a bathroom visit and found myself, for no known reason, sobbing uncontrollably for my mother's love. I was in my late 30's at the time and remember crying out to Father God and asking how long I was going to hurt over the lack of a love relationship with my mother. When would the ache stop? As I sat there, crying out to Abba, He started showing me things regarding my Mother's life and the many hurts, rejections and love lack that she had endured. I started seeing her as a wounded woman who had never made the choice, for whatever reason, to break through the hurts of her life so she could fully love others. Maybe, she didn't know she had a choice, or it seemed too daunting to her. God revealed to me that I needed to break the chain of love-lack myself or my children and grandchildren would suffer more than she or I had. I determined I would break those enslaving chains that night and set myself and my offspring free to love and be loved.

I was able to share with my mother at a later time, an abridged version of that evening. I told her that I accepted her just as she was and that, even though I longed for a different relationship with her, I would accept her even if she never changed. She started crying and told me I had no idea how much my words freed her. Our relationship started changing from that point on and we have continued to grow in our love relationship with one another. It's not a perfect relationship, but it is much better than I ever expected it could be. I broke the generational chains and was able to accept her as she is which allowed her to love more freely!

The wonderful after effect is that by setting myself free, I was able to accept and love my children unconditionally. It took perserverance and God's work in my life to get to that place. I now have a wonderful relationship with my children and they know they are loved by me. I've watched each of them as parents love their children with abandonment and joy. I've seen my grandchildren growing up with the assurance and stability of knowing they are wholly loved and accepted. What more precious gift could the heart of a mother want? I have always loved my children with a ferocious, sacrificing love, but I was freed that night to love them unconditionally and to freely show them that love! How grateful I am to the healing, freeing and loving work of my Abba Father, from whence my mother's heart comes!